I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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