you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
this is an emotional support booty call
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
