I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
