Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
