I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Soap is not a condiment
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
