No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
