Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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