Just fell off a train. Bad.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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