the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
