he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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