I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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