Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
