it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
