what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize