She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
