I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
