oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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