I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
