420 ftw
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
