hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
