What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
