Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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