No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I touched a dick in church today
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
