After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
