i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
