12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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