His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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