Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
