shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
