He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
