Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
