so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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