So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want to fling myself into the sun
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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