Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
