so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
