every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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