meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
