I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
