Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
