Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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