you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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