Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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