all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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