And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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