i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
did i walk over a car last night?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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