you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
