I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
