But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
