Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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