Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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