No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
