Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
