apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
