I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
