I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Text me some of your sweat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
