I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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