She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
