And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize