is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
