what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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